Help!

It took me a while after I got married to get out of single parent mode. Some of you reading this will know exactly what I'm talking about. For those of you who don't, here is a quick explanation. Being in single parent mode requires you to carry all groceries in the house by yourself, preferably in one trip, no matter how many bags are hanging off your arms. It requires you to wash and fold all laundry, change all beds, cook and clean up the kitchen, work and pick up the child from school on time - all by yourself. It requires dragging the suddenly sick child to the drug store in the wee hours of the morning. It requires you to figure out how to still pay the bills when you miss work with that sick child. It requires you to figure it all out all by yourself all the time.

By the time Chris and I married, I was managing ok as a single parent. It took me five years to really get into the groove of it, but by God's amazing grace, Olivia and I were making it. We had both developed a rhythm that worked for us, and although the balance was dubious at times, we had balance in our life nonetheless. But when a third person entered that rhythm, it threw me off. There was a little more laundry and one more breakfast plate. There were more frequent grocery stops. There was a desire to have more free time left at the end of the day so I could get to know my new husband even better. And, you guessed it, I was still trying to get everything done all by myself.

For a month or two after the wedding, Chris would sit back and watch me struggle to finish everything and get Olivia out the door on time after I repeatedly declined his requests to help. Mornings were the worst, and for a while, I stormed out the door every day, frustrated and angry with myself that I hadn't gotten it together yet. Knowing that I COULD do everything made me feel as though I SHOULD do everything, and I felt like a failure if I couldn't. Meanwhile, Chris was feeling totally helpless, which is a bad feeling for man who wants to help.

Not too long ago, Olivia and I were on our way to school after a particularly stressful morning when she matter of factly spoke my very own thoughts to me out loud.

"Momma, why don't you just ask Chris for help?!"

Once again, out of the mouths of babes....

When we married, God says we became one. (Genesis 3:24) My attempts to do all and be all do not work inside the covenant of  this marriage. The world would have me believe that I should be totally independent, because everything is all about me. But the Bible says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up." (Ecclesiastes 4:9) Since I have learned to let Chris brush Olivia's hair while I'm making breakfast, take out the trash, and carry in the groceries, I have fallen in love with him on a whole different level. I'm learning to trust that he really does love bearing my burdens and helping me carry my loads. He helps me, encourages me, and holds me accountable when I need him to. What I'm learning is that asking for his help doesn't mean I'm a failure; it means that I am loved! He loves me as Christ loved His church and gave Himself up for her, (Ephesians 5:25), and because he does, I not only love and appreciate him more deeply, but I also know and relate to my Jesus in a totally different way. Maybe that's what marriage was always supposed to be.

Thank You, Lord, for always being willing to bear my burdens. And thank You for my husband who loves me in a way that shows me who You are. May I always be humble and willing to receive his help and Yours.

In His gracious love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace