From the Heart of God

I have always been a vivid dreamer. When I was a child, I learned to lucid dream, even before I knew what that meant. Then, as a teenager, I began to have prophetic dreams, and I hated it. Every year from 8th grade until I graduated, at least one of my classmates died, and my dreams could predict the manner of death and the gender of the victim, although I never had a clear face. So I would walk around, sometimes for weeks, wondering....who next? And sometimes I didn't even know the people. I even dreamed of Columbine before it happened. And the Emanuel AME shooting.  I've also had recurring dreams, from the typical (teeth falling out, going to school without clothes), to the horrific (running for my life, facing tornadoes and tidal waves). Sleeping can be exhausting for me sometimes! These dreams are no joke.

 

Even before I knew Jesus, I knew that dreams were important. I sensed that there was more to them than just my sleeping mind sorting through the worries of a day. But since I have been following Jesus, there is a whole new dream dimension for me. Jesus dreams. I have had so many! I'll never forget the first one, where I saw Him in the desert, fervently praying for ME! And the look on His face when He spotted me, the gentle touch of His hands as He pulled me into the sweetest embrace. It was a dream, but it wasn't JUST a dream. He visited me that night. It was a breathtakingly beautiful moment in my life, and I go back to it in my mind often, even after almost 20 years.

Lately, He has been visiting me more often. Over the last month, I have had two incredibly profound dreams with Him. They both felt so important when I awoke that I just wanted to go back to sleep and stay there.  I have treasured them in my heart. 

It's difficult to explain in words what it's like to be with Him, to look upon His face, to feel the intimacy that causes me to know what He is feeling just by looking in His eyes. There were moments in these dreams that were so REAL. His voice, His touch, sometimes the pain of feeling what turmoil was in His heart.  I'll save the descriptions of the dreams for another time, but here is the message that is weighing heavily on my heart. Here is what I received from the heart of God....

Jesus had a destiny, from before the foundations of the universe. When God created man, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit all knew what that meant. They all knew that we would make fatal mistakes that would separate us from them. And they all agreed that it was worth the cost to make a way for us to come back. So when Jesus came to earth as a man, He was born with a destiny. He was our way back to the Father. Because He lived a Spirit led, sacrificial life, nothing could keep Him from that destiny. The plan was there from before time even began.

The way that He accomplished His mission was through love. The Spirit led Him, and He followed. He loved in a way that was inconvenient for Him. It was costly for Him. It was messy for Him, and not just at the cross. Agape love is always inconvenient, messy, and costly. But He chose to love in whatever way the Spirit led Him in every situation for all of His 33 years on earth. He was obedient to love, no matter the cost. And that ultimately cost Him his life. He literally loved us to death.

 

On the other side of what looked like the end, though, was resurrection. And with that resurrection came unimaginable power. And the most beautiful thing about that is that His greatest power came from the places of His greatest wounding. We sing about it all the time, don't we? His hands and feet, the crown of thorns pressed violently down onto His brow, the place where the spear pierced His side, the stripes on His back. These are the places where the blood flowed, and there is unmatched power in the blood of Jesus. 

Today, He is not just the lamb, but the resurrected King, all because of where love led Him. But here's the thing that absolutely blew my mind as I lay awake thinking about these dreams in the middle of the night.....Because all of this is true of Him, it is also true of me. I had a destiny before the foundations of the universe too. And if I follow a life surrendered to the Spirit, nothing can keep me from that destiny. But - and this is the truth that has stopped me in my tracks - the way I will get to that destiny will be through the way that I love. If I want to get to where He is leading me, I must love wholeheartedly and unafraid. I must allow the Holy Spirit - NOT FEAR - to decide how I love others. I must not let someone else's response decide how much I will give. It will be inconvenient and messy, and, yes, it will be very, very costly. But Jesus gave everything He had so that I might be with Him, so does it really matter what it might cost ME? I have everything already!

I lived many years paralyzed by fear, and in some subtle ways I have still been doing it now. I know what a scary place the world is, and I know how deep the pain cuts when someone betrays or abuses or doesn't want me. Please trust me, friend, when I say I know. Jesus knows too. He has gone before us in shame and pain and death. But He rose again so that we too might experience the resurrection power that brought Him back from the dead and enabled Him to live in a new way. Just as His greatest power comes from the places of His wounding, so will yours and mine if we trust Him with our hurts. Living in new life with Jesus requires a level of surrender that feels terrifying to our human hearts. But if we can keep our eyes on the prize - intimate relationship with Him, the only safe place in the universe - then what do we really have to lose?