Be Still

Obviously, having a baby has changed everything around here. After keeping Jake (and everyone else) fed, getting Olivia ready for school each day, keeping up my house and cleaning everyone else's, and all my responsibilities at church, there isn't often time to get on the computer. I think my email account has over 500 unread messages (mostly junk), and Facebook is an occasional luxury. The one thing I have sorely missed is posting on my blog. This was always my quiet time in the mornings when I would take the time to stop and listen to God's quiet voice. Thanks to my most helpful husband and the many months it's taken to regain some balance in our life, I am adding quiet time back into my routine. Praise God!

Yesterday, like most Sundays, was a long day. We had a baby dedication ceremony at church to commit Jake to the Lord and vow to raise our children up in His ways. Thankfully, Jake was a little angel. He silently listened and observed all that was happening, looking perfectly dashing in his adorable little suit. Even in Pastor's arms, he was content and quiet. All went well. After it was all over, Papa took Jake back to the nursery where he could spend some time with some of his favorite ladies.

When I returned after service to retrieve the child, I realized before I even reached the nursery that the little angel was gone, and an angry, wailing baby was calling out for me in his place. I couldn't sit down fast enough to nurse him, but strangely, he fell asleep before consuming an amount of milk appropriate for all the screaming I had witnessed. He slept peacefully through lunch and awoke after we returned to church for Christmas music rehearsals. At first, he seemed content enough. Everyone wanted a turn holding him, and he was happy to oblige. Then, in the arms of one of his favorite people, without warning, his little bottom lip poked out, his eyes scrunched up, and baby drama ensued.

He was inconsolable. Everybody had an idea about what was wrong and wanted to try calming him down. He got passed around, and I sat quietly, knowing more with each failed attempt that all he wanted was Momma. Finally, I took him back and tried to hold him to me, but he was so stiff; that kid was crying with his WHOLE body! So I walked and bounced him, whispered reassuringly, danced him around. Nothing worked. Maybe a change of scenery, I thought. So we walked outside. After a moment of walking him back and forth and quietly "shhhh"ing him,  a cool, soft breeze rose up and brushed his cheeks. The crying stopped as he looked around to see where that gentle touch had come from. I jumped at the opportunity and began singing quietly in his ear. Finally, he stopped fighting and became still. Now I could hold him close. Now he could hear my voice. Now he could be comforted. All his strength spent on tears, he finally relaxed in my arms, and  I stared down at him as he drifted off to sleep.

I wondered as I watched him how many times I have refused God's comfort in favor of spending all my energy on fretting and tears. How many times have I drowned out the sound of His voice with my own wailing? He reminded me in that moment that "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) But as I sit here in the quietness of five a.m. and read the whole Psalm, I see verses I never knew preceded that command, and it's all coming together for me. Here is Psalm 46 for you. Find your peace there. Stop struggling against God's comfort. Surrender, not to the circumstance, but to His mighty and gentle hand. If you let Him, He will make the war inside you cease. He will be your fortress. May you find rest in His arms today.

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see what the LORD has done,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease

to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

he burns the shields with fire.

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Father, thank You for Your patience with me, even when I fight against you like a little child. Today, I will stop struggling against Your arms and listen for Your voice. Thank You that I can always trust You to defend me, to protect me, to comfort me. You are everything to me, now and always.

In His mighty love,

Amy

copyright 2011, Amy Wallace