A Season of Sorrow

Our life has been touched with such sorrow lately. Last Friday, my husband and I attended two funerals. One was a friend whose husband suddenly and unexpectedly died. They have a baby less than a year old. The other was a long time family friend who died just as gracefully as he lived.  Yesterday, I drove my mother and her seventeen year old cat to the vet to put the little guy out of his misery. He had been a good friend to her. And back in February, my closest girlfriend in the world gave birth to a precious, stillborn baby boy. One night, we were filled with nervous anticipation of his joyous arrival. In the morning, there was only unspeakable grief and bitter tears.

Carrying this baby in the midst of such sorrow is a difficult experience. Sometimes, I must rejoice quietly out of love and reverence for those close to me who are grieving. My heart is heavy, and I wonder if this baby can feel it. Some days, there are just so many questions. We all go through life with certain expectations. You expect your husband to be around to help you rear your children. You expect your parents to die before you. If you carry a baby to the 40th week, you expect to leave the hospital with a bundle of joy. And sometimes, life doesn't happen that way.

Grief offers few answers, only more questions. But it all boils down to one- WHY?  I'm finding that to be a futile question in situations like the ones our friends are experiencing. There is no answer for that question here on earth, and striving to answer it is draining, discouraging, and defeating. The only consolation I can find is in Isaiah 53:3. This scripture describes Jesus as "a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief." I may never understand why things are the way they are, but I can know that I am never alone.

What a gift that my Savior came to live on earth as I live. He experienced not just joy and pleasure, but also physical pain, heartbreak, grief, hunger, and loneliness. He came right down here from His glory in Heaven so that when I walk through these valleys, He can honestly say to me, "I have been there." I can trust the truth of His human experience. He has wept these same bitter tears. (John 11:35)

These days, when my heart is heavy and my day is dark, instead of asking why, I'm learning just to call His name instead, trusting that He really is sovereign and that none of this took Him by surprise. I just ask Him to sit close to me for a while, and I listen for the whisper of His presence. I trust in Jesus' promise that "the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and will bring to your remembrance all the things which I have said to you." (John 14:26) If I need to know why, He'll teach me. If not, just His presence will have to be enough.

Father, thank You that I am never alone. Thank You that you are close to the brokenhearted and You save those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) Stay close to those who are hurting tonight, and give them a hope that is only found in You.

In His compassionate love,

Amy

copyright 2011, Amy Wallace