When Lonely Comes Along

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel lonely? Sometimes it's only some weird random feeling that appears for no reason. Or sometimes someone close to you is emotionally unavailable. Or sometimes reality hangs heavy with the helplessness that comes in tragedy. Sometimes you're in a place that no one around you has ever been, so they can't possibly understand. Lonely days are not my favorite, and they come sometimes without warning.

I think loneliness is especially difficult for me because I lived a lifetime of it. Up until the moment God crashed into my life at age 31, I was an isolated person. I carried deep hurts I thought no one could possibly understand, and I had learned not to talk about them. I didn't speak much, because I didn't believe I had anything worth listening to inside me. Distance felt safer, so I lived all alone, and I hated every minute of it. When you're alone, nights are much longer. Meals only magnify the emptiness of the chair beside you. Even happy moments don't go very far if you have no one to share them with. I know plenty about Lonely.

Today, even a day of feeling that way is too long. It's like picking up where I left off years ago with an unwanted, faithless friend. There are some days when, even in a crowded room, Lonely still remains close, unrelenting in its mastery of my emotions. 

Given my experience with Lonely, Luke 5:16 always amazes me. " But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Some translations say He withdrew to "desolate places" or the "wilderness". Some translations even say He went to the "desert" to pray. Wow, Jesus. He actually removed Himself to a lonely place so that He could hear the voice of God. He willingly went to a desert because He found His Father there, away from all the busyness and noise of living. So why am I complaining again?

Just like anyone else, my flesh resists anything that doesn't feel good. Lonely places are no fun, so I find myself avoiding them. Maybe I should change my attitude about that. Maybe I should not only welcome the Lonely that shows up unannounced. Maybe I should actually seek out some Lonely - and often, like Jesus did. Perhaps I should find myself a desert to pray in and seek out the voice of God.

Is communing with God really the most important need in my life? If it is, then I have no right to complain when Lonely comes along. I should rejoice instead, because it has the power to lead me right into the arms of my Father.

Father, thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You that You will never leave me or forsake me. Thank You that, even in the loneliest of places, Your light shines brightly to lead me. Help me to always remember that there is nowhere I can go that You can't find me.

In His steadfast love,
Amy


copyright 2010, Amy Wallace