I am Weak, but He is strong....

Life is weird these days. Being in perpetual crisis mode all year has definitely proved to be a refining experience for me. It's rubbing away some rough edges. It's burning off some impurities in me. It's teaching me humility on a whole new level. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Know what the most desperate of people do? They surrender. Imagine a drowning person, flailing wildly in the water, making it impossible for anyone to come near. It's only when they surrender that the lifeguard can save them. When the flailing stops. When the struggle is over. I'm quickly approaching that place.

But why has it taken me so long to fully surrender to the sovereignty of God in my life? So many times He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," (2Corinthians 12:9), and I have believed Him. But there's a difference between believing and KNOWING. Here is what I have learned about KNOWING 2Corinthians 12:9.

It is not until I have come to the absolute end of my ability that I will see His grace in action. When I lose clients to the bad economy and we still have the same bills to pay, then I will have to trust Him.  When my daughter has a tumor or multiple unexplained seizures and there is nothing I can do to stop it,  then I will have to trust Him. When things start going wrong in my body that force me to work less, even though we really need the money, I will have no choice but to trust Him. When all other options are unavailable to me, then I will surrender, because I'll have no other choice.  I have seen God's power. It really shouldn't be so hard to trust Him. Still, something in me always has to try to fix everything. Need more money? Work more. Need healing? Do more research on the problem. Take more medicine. Sometimes those are good solutions. But I can't know that for sure until I surrender it to God FIRST.

Because I'm slow to learn and unwilling to relenquish control, when I ask to see His grace in action, I'm really asking to be backed into a corner at the end of my own ability. One by one, He has closed every door that might lead to solutions by my own doing. He has given me exactly what I asked for. I am beginning to KNOW that His grace is sufficient for me. And I'm also beginning to understand that , because His power is made perfect in my weakness,  I can 'boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.' (2Corinthians 12:9) I'm finally getting to a place where I can be glad that everything in me and around me is falling apart. This is the place I will see His glory in my own life. Today, I stop fighting and  flailing. Today, I surrender. Lord, come and rescue me....

Father, thank You for Your living Word. Thank You that none of my pain is ever wasted. Teach me this day how to trust You first for everything I need. Teach me not to think too far ahead. Help me be to rejoice and be glad in my struggles, because when I am weak, You are strong.

In His invincible love,
Amy


copyright 2010, Amy Wallace