Big Breakthrough

I had a huge breakthrough yesterday. In an instant, I finally stumbled into that place of peace and freedom for which I have searched and yearned. Here's how it happened.

I called my husband to ask a question. We've been having a few financial challenges this year and we've recently been working to figure out the best solutions. Night and day, I have thought about money. How to get more, how to spend less, and on and on. Some days I would wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night trying to figure it all out in my own head. I could tell Chris was annoyed sometimes when, out of the blue, I would ask a question or make a comment which revealed the obsession in my thought life. It was always hanging over me like a dark, soggy rain cloud. Slowly, it began to steal my joy, and eventually, a wedge grew between us.

So yesterday, I called Chris for the sole purpose of asking a question about one of the solutions he was investigating. I asked my question and we discussed it. Suddenly, somehow, through the perfect grace of God, I saw myself through His eyes. As I heard myself speaking, I had a life-changing, marriage-saving revelation.

"This has been driving me crazy that I can't fix this," I marveled aloud. "I've got to stop trying to fix this and let YOU do it. I haven't been letting you do it...."

And there it was. Not only had I struggled to surrender this issue to the Father, I also had failed to surrender it to my husband. For many reasons, he has to be the one to do this. He needs to be the one to do this, and me running around behind him, trying to make sure he's "doing it right" has not been helping. In fact, it has only proven that I didn't trust his wisdom or ability. Oh, how my heart broke in that moment!

Instead of trusting in the Lord with all my heart, I have been relying on my own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) I decided right then and there that I was letting this thing go. By divine revelation, I understood that God has given me this man to be the leader of our home, to bear the burden joyfully of providing not just the usual physical needs, but also solutions to hard problems and a peace that comes from his faithfulness in doing so. Because this precious husband seeks the infinite wisdom of our God, I can trust him to accomplish God's will in our family, our life and our marriage. Part of the blessing of marriage is that I don't have to do it all alone, hallelujah!!  And when I understood that, the heavy burden I had been straining under immediately dissolved. Oh, what freedom!!! And the wonderful part is that when I surrendered, a weight lifted off of him too. When I finally allowed him to be the husband God has called him to be, he, too became free. Today, my favorite passage is Ephesians 5:22-23, because its truth is becoming real in our marriage.

"Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands." (The Message)

Father, thank You for your beautiful design for marriage. Thank You that, when we listen, You teach us how to honor You by honoring each other. Help us to encourage one another to be who You've called us to be in this marriage. By knowing and loving each other, may we love and know You more.

In His amazing love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace