Cleaning out the fridge...

In between certain paychecks, usually at the same time each month,our refrigerator begins to look bare. There's about a week in there where money gets really tight, and we start finishing off the stuff that normally gets overlooked, like the last little bit of leftovers, the cup of yogurt that's about expire, or the last few grapes in the produce drawer. We actually finished off three jars of jelly this time. When I removed that last jelly jar, I could see how dirty the shelf was underneath. There were sticky spots of jelly and other stains, so I cleaned it up nicely and admired the shiny, clean surface beneath. Though I knew it instinctively, I had never consciously pondered how much easier it is to clean an empty refrigerator than a full one. Immediately, I thought of my own heart.

Have you ever asked God  to "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me"? (Psalm 51:10) I have. I do quite often, because I know how easily my heart becomes polluted with different, sometimes subtle varieties of spiritual dirt. Some of it is easy to shake off; others stick like old jelly and unidentifiable refrigerator spills. It only makes sense that, like a refrigerator, a heart is much easier to clean when it's empty. So why does the presence of emptiness so often take me by surprise?

The discovery of Olivia's tumor, subsequent surgery, and now recovery have been an unexpectedly depleting experience for me. It's emptied me of a lot of junk that got in the way of my faith, like all those unrealistic expectations that my life - and my daughter's life - should go a certain way. It's emptied me of a false sense of power over ultimately uncontrollable circumstances. It's emptied me of some "surface" faith and led me deeper so that I could have a long, honest look at what I've REALLY believed and known about God. And it wasn't until everything else was emptied out and thrown away that I found it- that tiny seed of real faith, that mustard seed sized anchor, that Rock-solid, no matter what assurance that God IS SOVEREIGN, period. Even in the face of my biggest, baddest fear, I found Him to be faithful. (Joshua 1:5) Even in my overwhelming crisis, He was still peace.  (Ephesians 2:4) He's reminded me once again that, no matter how quickly or completely my perceived reality may change, He will never, ever change. (Malachi 3:6) The same sovereign, faithful God who has always been there for me and with me is still here today, my unmovable and constant defender. No matter how many questions I might have at any given moment, that's all I really need to know.

So don't be afraid ....go ahead; ask Him. "Search me, O God!" (Psalm 139:23) "Create in me a clean heart"! (Psalm 51:10)  Just be prepared for trash day, and always remember that there's purpose in the emptiness. Then you will have more room for God.

Father, thank You for using even a difficult and painful experience to show me who You are. Thank You that You are faithful and constant. Thank You that I can always trust Your judgement when it comes to cleaning out my heart. Remove from me that which keeps me from You. Give me the grace to let go of all that makes me feel comfortable. Let me only find my safety and peace in You.

In His perfect love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace