He touched me

I'm sorry it's been so long....I've been attempting to recover from the deepest, most meaningful spiritual experience I've ever had, and after a week, I've come to this conclusion: I will never get over it. God doesn't want me to get over it. This is exactly where He wants me for the rest of my life. Here's what happened.

Sunday a week ago, we were preparing for the play at church. We had been sucked into a whirlwind of preparation, both spiritual and physical, and the moment of truth was quickly approaching. After just a few rehearsals that afternoon, our director informed us that that was it. He pointed out the fact that we had time for one more rehearsal and then explained why we wouldn't be doing it. He wanted us in a place of uncertainty. He needed us to be confident in God, not our own ability. He wanted us to know and see the mighty power of the Holy Spirit put this play on for us. We were scared, but more than that, we were really excited. We could hardly wait to see how He would do it!!

An hour before it all began, the cast and crew gathered in a room to pray. We worshiped together, and The Lord's presence fell on us as we poured out our love on Him. Like oil flowing freely, the Holy Spirit anointed us with His power as we cried out to Him on behalf of those who need Him so desperately, those 1000 +  people who would walk through our doors over the next three nights. And as I prayed for them and looked to the Father, I caught a glimpse of Him that changed my life forever. It was so revolutionary that it took  days to figure out what had happened. As I reached up to Him, my Abba reached down to me, and the moment we touched, I found myself  reduced to a heap on the floor, weeping and wailing as I never have, even in the most profound sorrow of my life. I touched the Father and discovered the unexpected. Yes, I touched the Father's heart, and it is broken over the condition of His precious creation.

I've always known that God is compassionate. His Word tells us all over the place. I've known His great mercy in my own life, and I thank Him for it all the time. I've even known that He is calling me into ministry, which requires deep compassion for others I thought I had. The truth is, I knew nothing.

The Word says that Jesus is always interceding for us. (Hebrews 7:24-25) I experienced for just a few moments the fervency and depth of sorrow He has for our emptiness He so longs to fill. It is the same enormous love and longing with which He sobbed over Jerusalem in Luke 19:41 that He prays for you and me still.  With everything that is in Him (and that truly is everything!), He wants abundant and overflowing life for you. He wants inexplicable peace for you. He wants unspeakable joy for you in the face of any adversity. He wants to hear you whisper to Him in the darkness and shout His name in the light. With all that is in Him, He wants you.

Touching God's heart was a devastating experience. Because the cross proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt, I've always believed in His desire for us. But now I know that desire. I have fallen to my knees under the weight of it, and it will only be by His grace that I am able to function under this burden. I have wept for His people, and I weep with Him still. I have come to a new understanding of His perfect love, and it's almost too much to bear. Just like Jacob in Genesis 32, I wouldn't let go until He blessed me. But instead of touching my hip, He touched my heart. And I will never be the same.

Father, thank You for preparing me for this moment. For years, You have drawn me closer and showed me, little by little, who You are. I treasure each revelation as I eagerly anticipate the next. I look forward to eternity, because I know even forever isn't long enough to know all of You. Lord, help me to function under this burden You've given me for others. Let it motivate me and not paralyze me. Thank You for the great honor of knowing Your heart. Thank You, thank You, thank You for Your great love for us.

In His overwhelming love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace