Disconnected

I sat down to write my devotion yesterday, and the internet wouldn't work. Chris had his work computers newly set up here at home, and when I clicked on the little blue "e", nothing happened. I had had so much to say, but since I couldn't get past that first obstacle of connection, that was the end of that. Although the internet signal was out there somewhere and I was sitting at a computer that should have been able to find it, still nothing happened. I knew eventually we would get it worked out, but being unable to connect was frustrating in that moment. Have you ever felt that way with God?

I have to admit I feel a little disconnected today. I have written and erased about three paragraphs, and still, words aren't working for me.  Physical pain and disappointment in my heart seem to have yanked my spiritual plug right out of the God socket. I know He is here, and I know I will find Him, but this moment is dark and lonely. Because His ways are so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9), I have no idea what He's doing in my life right now. Still, I know I can't lean on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Faith is believing Him, especially when it doesn't make sense. What I desire is His wisdom to put all these crazy pieces together.

Proverbs 3:6 says "in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  I always thought that meant simply  stopping and asking for His guidance and help before making decisions, but it's so much more than that. In my confusion, I should acknowledge Him as  Lord. In my fear, I should acknowledge Him as Shephard. In my defeat, I should acknowledge Him as Redeemer. In my brokenheartedness, I should call on Him as my wonderful, merciful Savior.

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." (Proverbs 4:7) I need wisdom. More than anything today, I need understanding. The Word says "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." I don't have to figure it all out on my own. I don't have to explain myself. It doesn't matter how I got into the situation I'm in. If I need God's wisdom, I simply need to turn to Him and cry out for it. It may not be easy, but it's as simple as that. So here I go.

Father, I need Your wisdom today. Nothing makes sense to me, and disappointment has filled my heart with heaviness. Help me to surrender my life to You willingly and joyfully, even when I don't get what I wanted. Help me to trust that Your way is not only higher than mine but so much better. Let Your faithfulness be my peace. Let Your words be my light. May I be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that I may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that I may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. (Colossians 2:2,3)

In His faithful love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace