Laying Down the Law

A couple of weeks ago, my nine year old daughter threw a fit worthy of a two year old. I was horrified as I watched her behavior escalate from whining to crying and then to foot stomping and screaming. Then, when she was told to go to her room, she refused. I was in total disbelief as I took her by the shoulders, turned her around and walked her to her bedroom to calm down. Of course, when I closed the door behind me, she screamed even louder. Sigh....it's starting already. The teenage years are looming ahead. The crazy thing is, this tantrum wasn't even over something big. It was some dumb little thing, and she didn't even remember what it was when I went back in there to talk to her after she composed herself.

I knew this was a crossroads, and it could be an important turning point for her. I had to set a precedent. She had to know that this kind of behavior would not be tolerated, no matter how tired she was from being up half the night at a sleep over the night before. Momma had to lay down the law.

"I understand how tired you are right now, but that is no excuse," I began. "You have to know that this kind of behavior is unacceptable here, so here are the consequences for the way you've acted. First of all, no more sleep overs until summer."

This news was received first with wide eyes, followed by an angry glare.

"It's not a big deal for most kids to stay up all night, but you're not like other kids that way; you need your sleep. [she has a seizure disorder, and sleep deprivation is a trigger.] So no sleep overs until summer, and even then, I would prefer that you do them here, where I can make sure you get to bed at a certain time."

Quiet "humph!"

"Secondly, you are grounded for the next week. Do you know what that means?"

She shook her head.

"No TV, no computer, no talking on the phone. You will not play video games. You will not go to friends' houses. Your allowance is revoked, and you will have litter box duty. You're stuck here with us for the next week," I explained. That seemed like the safest place for her to be, away from the influence of the rest of her world. She needed some Momma and Papa time.

That was not received well. She had to cry some more about that. But I explained to her that she's getting too big to throw physical fits. One of us could end up getting hurt. Also, she's a big sister now, and little eyes will be watching and imitating. Not to mention the fact that grown ups go to jail for behaving like that. But most importantly, I explained to her as I have so many times before, that she must learn to be obedient, even in the small things. It is my job to teach her how to do what she's told when she's told to do it, even when it seems like something unimportant, because the day will come when she's told to do something important. At that time, disobedience could be dangerous. Furthermore, delayed obedience is not obedience, and I would rather have her learn that from me before she goes out in the world on her own. Then it will be just her and God.

So I sat down and rewrote our household rules in black and white where she can read them every day. That way she will know what's expected and what the consequences will be if she doesn't comply. Do I do it this way to make her feel bad for not being perfect? No way! I want her to know exactly what's expected, so she can make informed choices about the way she lives, knowing what will happen when she does or doesn't follow the rules. I know she won't be perfect. I don't expect that. I just want her to be conscious of the fact that there are always consequences, whether good or bad, for every choice we make.

Of course, this whole episode got me thinking. How many times has God told me to do something and I gave the same kinds of responses that Olivia tries with me all the time? "In a minute..."  "Just let me finish this first....." Or the worst one: total silence, as if I didn't hear Him at all.

God layed down the law a long time ago. He has rules, but He knows that we can't follow them perfectly. We were never expected to, though. The Bible says in Romans 3:20 that "through the law comes knowledge of sin." A lot of people resent the fact that God has boundaries and rules, but there are loving reasons behind all of them, and if He never wrote them down for us to see, we couldn't make informed choices about the way we live, knowing there are always consequences, whether good or bad. Jesus knew that, and He only wants the best for us. He wants us to trust Him. That's why He said, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching." (John 14:23)

I am so grateful that God is a merciful God. He knew I wouldn't be able to do it perfectly, so He sent Jesus to fill in the gaps for me, and Jesus "humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:8) Because of Jesus, in those times when I have been disobedient and find myself in a spiritual "time out, I am able to press in to my Father. There are such blessings in His presence! Sometimes He takes things away that influence me badly so that I will  focus on Him again. And just like Olivia, what seemed like a terrible punishment in the beginning turns out to be the greatest blessing in the end. Do you know she didn't even miss TV? And now that the rules are clearly posted, she's beginning to realize just how often she's been breaking them. . Isn't God just the best?

Thank You, Lord, for Your holy Word!  How I delight in your commands! How I love them! (Psalm 119:47) Help me today to do my very best for You. Help me to trust that every command You give is for my benefit. Help me to stay humble, Lord, and help me to be an obedient child, so that I might know You more and bring You the glory that You deserve.



In His perfect love,
Amy