Learning to Trust

I used to be very impatient with God's plan. There was a time when I wanted to understand everything He was doing in my life, where He was taking me, and where I would end up. I wanted to understand why certain relationships took the turns they did and why certain people did what they did or didn't do what they didn't do. I just wanted to know everything. Let me tell you, wondering can drive a person crazy.

Now that I've been through a few dark valleys with the Lord, I'm learning not to ask all those questions. Here are a couple of reasons why. First of all, it was a desire to know everything that God knows which led Adam and Eve into sin.  All the serpent had to say was, "when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God". (Genesis 3:5) For those of us living in a fallen world, there is sometimes a strong desire to understand what God is doing. We want so much to see His ultimate purpose in suffering that we spend an awful lot of time and energy trying to figure things out that we're just not meant to know. The bottom line is, if God wants me to know, He will tell me. Period. All I have to do is show up and listen. I'm learning that to trust God's wisdom means waiting  for revelation rather than begging for answers. That's why Psalm 27:14 encourages us to "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." It's hard to wait, but sometimes it's just better not to know.

Also, as I look back on some of those valleys I've been through, I realize that if I had known where God was about to take me, I might not have been so eager to follow Him. For example, if I had known that my first marriage would fail after five short years , would I have even gotten married in the first place? Probably not, and our beautiful, courageous little evangelist daughter wouldn't be here to bless all the lives she's blessed. We couldn't have changed people's lives with the miracles of forgiveness God has offered us. If I had known when God brought me my first client what a roller coaster having my own business would be, would I have started cleaning houses? I don't know. I might have tried harder to find a "regular" job and missed out on all the scheduling flexibility and opportunities to minister to people that this job brings. There would have been a lot of important moments I missed with that beautiful daughter, too. And if I had known just how painful the surgery on my arm would have been last year, would I have had the courage to go through with it? Probably not! And I would still be suffering because my dominant hand would have been much less able to function.

Here's what I've finally learned - I don't need to know it all!! It is a relief to actually be in a place in my life where I don't WANT to know everything anymore! I am so grateful that God can handle all the stuff that I can't. I think it's  wonderful not to have to spend so much of myself worrying about where I'm headed and what I'll find when I get there. Even when the unthinkable happens, He is still in control. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD,"'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) No matter what happens, that's the promise I keep coming back to, and I am thankful for a faithful God who will never fail.

Father, thank You that Your wisdom is perfect. Thank You that You don't always give me the answers I seek. It is in the not knowing that I know You more. Remind me of valleys past so that when I begin a new journey with You, I will trust in Your purpose and Your ability to get me where You want me to go. Teach me how to trust in You with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Help me to submit to You in all my ways so that You will make my paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

In His faithful love,
Amy




copyright 2011, Amy Wallace