Being pregnant is one of the ultimate experiences in helplessness. Things change in your body over which you have absolutely no control. You crave weird foods. Then relentless morning sickness overtakes you. Then your pants get tight. And then your belly starts growing at an alarming rate! It takes no conscious effort to grow a baby. You can control how well you care for your changing body, but you can't control what's happening underneath. The latest exercise in helplessness is emotional overload.
Up until about three weeks ago, I was doing pretty well with that. I wasn't crying at the drop of a hat. I wasn't becoming annoyed with the smallest things. I had had few outbursts. But a few weeks ago, everything changed. I actually cried last night watching The Amazing Race. Give me a break! I think just about every person on the face of this planet has gotten on my last nerve sometime recently. And when Olivia didn't get into the magnet school we applied for, it felt like the world was ending. Sigh. Being this emotional sure takes a lot of energy.
Last week was especially stressful. I had some problems with a longtime client. It was that time of the month where money was tight, waiting on paychecks. Olivia didn't get into that wonderful school. As the days went on, I felt more and more weighed down. I felt defeated and hopeless. I literally wanted to just go home and crawl under the covers and cry and hide. I knew that this was just the hormones talking, but even so, I had no control over them. Yes, I forced myself to go on each day and do what needed to be done, but, boy, did I feel awful!!!
Then, on Wednesday, I went to visit a friend who had had a medical crisis the week before. She was still a bit weak, but more herself. She was so happy to see me, and that made me feel a little better. I folded her laundry, watered her plants, and sat and talked for a while. I knew when I left there that her day was much brighter because I had been there, and that meant so much to me! Showing God's love to someone else not only blessed them, but it blessed me too! On the way home, I was listening to one of my favorite worship songs, and as I drove down the interstate, I started singing along without even realizing it. Do you know that by the time I exited the interstate and stopped at the stop light, I found myself singing with all my heart...all the heaviness was gone! The despair had melted away into pure love for my Lord. Without even realizing it, I had worshiped my sorrows away!
Psalm 100 tells us to
"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
2Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
There are so many reasons to praise Him. Many are listed right here in this Psalm. He made me, and I am His. He guards me and guides me like a faithful shepherd. His love endures forever, and His faithfulness will never fail. Coming before Him with a joyful song is always appropriate, no matter what. Because no matter what is going on around me - or inside of me - He is still God, He loves me, and He is bigger than even my biggest disaster. Opening my mouth and singing His praise has a wonderful way of opening my heart to hope when everything else looks hopeless.
Father, thank You that Your faithful love endures forever. Even in disaster, depression, or defeat. Help me to keep my eyes focused on You today, instead of all the rain clouds around me.
In His faithful love,
Amy
copyright 2011, Amy Wallace
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