Lessons In Grief, Part One

I'm sorry it's been so long....sometimes things happen that just steal my words away.

You might remember reading back in March about the tumor that was discovered in my daughter's arm. (3/16 post) It was found by a radiologist on the chest x-ray that was taken when she had the flu. We saw an orthopedic doctor at that time who felt it was a wait and see situation. It did not appear to be dangerous, was pretty common in kids, and as long as it didn't grow, no treatment would be necessary. So we left it in God's hands and went on our merry way.

A couple of weeks ago,she started complaining about that arm. One morning, after she pushed one of our big fat cats off the bed in the morning, she was in tears from the pain. So instead of waiting for the follow up x-rays at the three month mark, I took her in a few weeks early. As soon as I saw the new xrays, I knew we were in trouble. The tumor, in two and half months, has almost doubled in width. The doctor sent her home in a sling, to remind her to be very careful with this arm, which is at serious risk of fracture now. Today, she will undergo an MRI. Since she's so young, she will be sedated, since the scan can take over an hour to complete, and no seven year old can lie perfectly still that long.

We have prayed about this and trusted God. Do I feel disappointed? Did He ignore our prayers? No way! I know that because, before any of this ever happened, I prayed for her one day as I sent her off to school. She had just shared with me some conversations she had had with some of her classmates. My daughter, the little evangelist. She recognizes people's need for Jesus, and she shares Him with them. She teaches them the Word as she learns it from me. After she got out of the car that day, I marveled at the ease with which she shares His love with others. And I whispered this prayer for her. It was my heart's desire, even though I trembled inside as I spoke the words...."Father, make a Kingdom warrior out of her."

I trembled because I know the kind of faith it takes to be a Kingdom warrior. I trembled because I know how that kind of faith is attained. It is only through difficult trials and suffering that we can truly experience God as our only hope. Romans 5:3-5 teachs us that " we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

God is answering my first prayer, and He is using this physical affliction to do it.This afternoon we will return to the childrens' hospital and do the MRI, which will tell the doctor everything he needs to know. Outside of a miracle, she will almost certainly need surgery at the very least. But I know that God has this under control. And not only does He have it under control, He's got great victory and blessing in it for Olivia. What an honor for me as a daughter of the King to walk my own daughter through this experience in a way that will lead her right into the life changing experience of God. No matter what happens, she already wins, because "we know that all things work together  for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Father, thank You for calling my child according to Your perfect purpose. Help me not to lose sight of Your purpose in this trial. Give me courage and grace to bring her back to You for every fear, every doubt, every tear. Help me to teach her how to turn her eyes upon Jesus and never look away, even in the darkest of valleys.

In His invincible love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace