Though my health may fail....

So I've been home since Sunday, my only venture outside being a trip to the chiropractor's office. I was only twenty five when I herniated this disc in my lower back, but I haven't had a flareup in years. Imagine my surprise Saturday afternoon when I leaned forward to grab something and felt the pain in that old familiar spot. As the day went on, it only got worse. By Sunday, I was in the bed with an icepack. Monday I was walking with a cane. I am thirty six years old. This seems a little soon.

But, there are some things I have no control over. Like this disc of mine. Like the fact that I am unable to work right now. Like my eyes, which weren't supposed to get this bad until I was at least forty. Like the popping and cracking joints all over my body. (Sometimes I feel like a bowl of Rice Krispies!) Although I don't obsess over these things, I do sometimes ponder the condition of this body I live in. I've seen so many people suffer in their bodies, and I wonder if there will come a day when pain will be a constant companion for me. Will there be a moment after which it never leaves? Will there someday be a point at which the goal becomes pain management rather than cure?  I hope not. I pray not. But I don't know what God has in store for me.

It's humbling to wonder about these possibilities. Perhaps my praise will have more of an impact on the world if I speak it through pain. Maybe my love of the Lord will capture people's attention if it's in spite of physical suffering. Who knows? Or maybe He plans to heal me and get people's attention that way. I won't know my future until it comes. But the one comfort I have, the one anchor that keeps me from drifting into worry and drowning in helpless panic is this promise from my Heavenly Father: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) He has never failed me, and He never will. His promises hold up in the worst of circumstances; I know that from experience. So I will stand on them now, even if I have to do it with the help of a cane. I will embrace my physical frailty, because it reminds me that I am made of dust. But with His righteous right hand holding me up, I can do all things.  "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." (Psalm 73:26)

Father, thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You that I can look back on my life and see how Your hand covered me, blessed me, delivered me, and carried me. I trust Your faithfulness today to do the same, even as I face the certainty of physical decline. Knowing that You are mine forever makes up for any struggle I may have in my body today.

In His power and love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace