Remember ME, O Lord

Now that my husband has made me a Facebook page, I've reconnected with a lot of people from my past. Most of them are from high school or even middle school, and just seeing their pictures on the screen brings back so many memories. Honestly, most of those memories make me cringe. I don't enjoy recalling my self- absorbed teenage girl anguish over one boy after the next, or the amount of illegal substances I ingested to feel better about my own perceived worthlessness.  I feel sad when I remember how much I hated living at home, and how much sadder it was when I became so untamable that I wasn't allowed to live there anymore. And when I remember how terribly foolish I was back then, I understand more and more the 100% true statement that "youth is wasted on the young." Now that I am wise enough to redo some of those things, my body is too old to do them!!

But when I look back on those terrible mistakes and the crazy mess I made of my life, my gratitude toward God grows even deeper. Not just because He pulled me out of the hopelessness of it all and gave me Jesus instead, but also because He never defined me by my sin. I did. I basically thought of myself as an emotionally needy, habitually drug abusing fornicator who would never amount to much more than damaged goods. Who would ever want me after everything I had done to ruin myself? Imagine my overwhelming joy at discovering that I was just the kind of person Jesus came for!!! He said it Himself in Matthew 9:13. "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." But it's taken me years to really understand in my own heart that all my deep, dark secrets do not define who I am. Here's what I've learned about that.

God does not look down on us and, pointing at each person, think to Himself, "Adulterer, liar, murderer, child abuser, thief..." I learned this truth just a few months ago at a conference, where it was pointed out to me that when Abraham gave his wife Sarah (who pretended to be his sister) to King Abimelech in Genesis 20 out of the fear that the king might kill him to have his wife had he known they were married, God did not throw His hands up at that deceitful and cowardly man and give him what he deserved. No, He went to the king in a dream and told him the truth and commanded him to give Abraham back his wife, saying, "Now return the man's wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all yours will die." (Genesis 20:7)

A prophet? Really? Because he had always sounded like a liar who didn't trust God to me. But upon listening to the teacher's words that day, I realized that God did not look at Abraham and see his sin; he saw His original purpose in creating him. He saw all Abraham would one day do for His kingdom. And He does the same for me. He does not look at me and see all my failures and sins. He never looked down on me and said, "emotionally needy, habitually drug abusing fornicator; damaged goods". He came to me in the God-man of Jesus Christ, looked right into my eyes and said with indescribable and life changing love, "You are so valuable that I did everything I did on this earth just for you, and even if you were the only person who ever believed, I still would have done it."  

Sinner? Lost cause? No, He never saw that. He always saw His original purpose in creating me, and I will spend the rest of this redeemed life learning just what that purpose is. Glory to God!!

Father, "remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love, remember ME, for you are good, O LORD." (Psalm 25:7, emphasis added) Thank You, Lord, that I am more than my sin. No matter what anyone remembers or believes about me, including myself, I will return to You to find out who I really am. Thank You for Your faithfulness to me, O God.

In His amazing love,

Amy

copyright 2010, Amy Wallace